On Identity
⚡️ BLOT:
I’m reinventing myself and don’t have it all figured out yet.
“People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in 1 year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in 10.”
Wow, Friends—
Who knew, all I had to do was send one email to get so much affirmation?!
Your enthusiasm and encouragement both surprised and delighted me.
It’s why I’m writing this second email only two weeks later and not 6 months from now (or never).
So maybe you’re wondering what the schedule, topics, and structure of this newsletter are going to be.
That makes two of us!
If not, you may be the kind of person who says “Surprise me!” after the waiter reads the dinner specials. Which is very cool. 🍝
The details are still squishy, but expect to hear about:
Travel
Hospitality
Real Estate
Community
I may even throw in some journaling prompts…
Who’s to say?! What a thrill.
It’ll be a box-of-chocolates type of newsletter.
Format? Not sure.
But it could go something like this…
1. What I’m reading:
Because I’m always reading and learning something.
There are piles of books all around the house. If you’ve been to my house and have never noticed them, it’s probably because you’re not the “I’ll just pop by” sort.
Tyler is very good at making these piles disappear before company arrives.
2. What I’m playing:
Because play is important to balance out all the adulting.
What that looks like for me is usually outdoor sports, exercise, piano, friend gatherings (like the recent murder mystery party!), or planning my next globetrot.
I think 2025 was the first year in literally decades that I didn’t travel anywhere internationally. So I’m very happy we’ll be visiting southern Italy this May!
I’m also excited to plan an Asia trip for later in the year, which we’re calling our honeymoon—so that justifies a slightly higher degree of bougie-ness, don’t you think?
We have no idea whether we’ll do Japan, Thailand & Vietnam, or Bali & the Philippines.
Send me your recs!
3. What I’m working on:
Because taking you along for the ride might help keep me accountable.
And this is the topic I’ll focus on today.
Because I could tell you I’m:
organizing my second retreat
co-operating The Banyan Box
researching real estate investments
procrastinating on a client copywriting project
brokering affiliate marketing partnerships, or
organizing a women’s business accountability group
But what it boils down to is this:
I’m not 100% sure what I want to be when I grow up!
And reinventing myself is partly how we arrive at this newsletter.
So, for those of you who don’t know my story:
Once upon a time… 🏰
I did have it all figured out! (Career-wise, anyway.)
At age 24, after applying for the second time and undergoing a two-year vetting and hiring process, I landed the job that was on my radar since high-school.
I still remember my dad had torn out a hiring ad from TIME Magazine (or was it National Geographic?) for a federal job that would allow me to travel and study languages—two things I loved and was good at.
(Can you be good at travel?) 🤷🏻♀️
Anyway, I had stuck that ad on the corkboard in my bedroom, where it hung for quite a while.
Fast forward to 2015—I was living in Washington, D.C. doing the dang thing.
(Looking back through my camera roll, I actually stumbled upon this sweet letter from my late grandfather—the German one. This was his response to a birthday card I wrote him, where I mentioned my new job. He would’ve been 100 years old this month.)
I had:
Health insurance and a 401k
Upward mobility
Job security
Wonderful colleagues
I was:
Well-liked at work
Respected
Very good at my job
Earning & saving good money
I got to travel and experience things most people don’t get to (like listening to an Afghan tribal leader tell dirty jokes over a butter chicken dinner.)
The job satisfied my intellectual curiosity and desire for adventure.
Of course, there were dull days and disappointments. There were challenges and long days (and weeks, and months).
But I loved it!
Why, then, did I leave?
Life overseas during COVID, shifting politics, and new relationships reminded there’s a lot more to identity than what we do for work.
I remembered career isn’t everything. My job doesn’t define me. I knew I had to give myself a fighting chance at deeper things I desired:
A healthy marriage ✅
A solid community ✅
And children ❓
I was—and still am—convinced that I can find fulfillment in any number of jobs (like the one at the end of this email, for instance). Or, put more accurately, outside of them entirely.
So, I looked back on the past 9 years and change, and thanked God for an exhilarating ride.
Then, with sincere gratitude and faith in the future, I gently closed that door behind me, stepping into a new era before it could slip away.
It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done!
Now, 18 months later, I wish I could say I’ve replaced my income and “made it” again, professionally speaking.
That hasn’t happened yet.
But what I haven’t replaced in income, I’ve replaced in relationships, community, and flexibility. (Home equity, too!)
I don’t recall who so eloquently penned this truth, but…
“People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in 1 year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in 10.”
And to me, that’s very encouraging.
So, for now, I’m learning as much as I can, trying a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I’m figuring out what lights me up, and how it aligns with what the world needs.
Throughout it all, I thank God for being my anchor.
Because that’s the unshakeable identity I rest in:
I’m a child of God, saved by grace through faith, not by what I do. 💖
xx, Stef
P.S. Here’s one of the jobs I’m finding totally fulfilling lately—promise.
